F*ck your life. RAElife.

As i tend to feel like I want to be left alone, as soon as i am lonesome, i soon want to be with someone.

31 December 09. Oh gawsh its the last day of my favorite year. Where do i start off.. Hmm… the fact that i graduated high school? Went to college? Turning 18? Having a debut? Getting a license? A job? A car? By far, this was my year. and surprisingly kept all my resolutions. Weird huh? Even though the first half of the year wasn’t all that great, the other half just topped it off. I proved to myself i can be a better person no matter how bad the situation was. I proved i could do better in school, get trust back, and most of all, be happy overall. the drama gone, the childish acts gone, and lies gone. For next year, i shall do the same and improve even more. I learned that you shouldn’t take life for granted. It was given to us and we should all live our lives how we want it. Note to self: “only YOU can make your life how YOU want it”

Resolution 10’

Number one and only one:

Don’t try to rush into life and make each moment count

is going to be a brand new start for me.

It’s funny how we all try to solve a whole lot of problems at once when for a fact, it will never be solved. Instead of trying to solve yours or other peoples problem, listen to this Note to Self:“All that’s tangled up can’t unwind unless you untangle each of them one at a time.”

Don’t you wish you had someone you can run to for everything but know you can’t? It sucks. When your in trouble, or hurt, or just need someone to cry on, there is ALWAYS someone you have to call who you trust with your problems or needs. When you most need it, they can’t be there. So what do you do? Note to self: “Don’t always depend on your number one. Try to depend on yourself, even if you can’t handle it. It will eventually make you stronger as a person to carry your own struggles.”

1. I always sleep on the wall side

2. During car rides, i sit on the side

3. I am a lefty

4. The drink i’ll most likely get is ice tea

5. When i’m depressed, i like to run or play piano

6. I am a pro at tinikling dancing =D

7. I can swim, but i can’t float

8. My biggest wish is to be happy

9. I cry at the most random moments

10. I tend to clean my room a lot

11. I have a habit on locking my car door

12. I like to munch on my ice in a drink

13. When I am angry or anxious, I put a lot of chapstick

14. I sometimes twitch in my sleep

15. I like making bubble faces

so hmmm. something i learned in charm school season 3. The “TAG” game..

T= Truth its always good to tell the truth. It’s never too late to stop the lies..

A=Apologies Always apologize for the things you do in life and forgive others..

G= Gratitude Thank what you have everyday and be thankful for what you have..

At times, you just have to think about “TAG” to make you stronger in life and become a better person.

NOTE TO SELF:”Always keep your mind open to new things and start fresh by, telling the truth instead of the lies, apologize and compromise, and give thanks each day for what you have in a brighter future.”

Even though i have only fifty-two minutes left of my monthsary, i just wanted to write something dedicated to my boyfriend, Phuong H. Tran.

Sometimes I think and wonder where i would be today if he wasn’t here. Would I still be that girl always wearing black? Listening to all emo music? Posting up stupid pictures to make people feel sorry for me?lol. best believe love does make you do stupid things. three more months and its three years baby. How can one love someone so much and get frusturated so much? Is life suppose to be this way? We have to solve our own problems? Is it entertainment? Why do couples fight? Why do we forget the next day and pretend it never happened? Then a few weeks later, the subject comes up? Weird right? Im not a genius when it comes to relationships but i sure know one thing, No matter what, the most frusturating relationship, is actually a great one. so weird.It may seem ridiculous, but everytime he’s near me, i get all cheery. I can get so mad at him, but few seconds later, i get all nervous inside with butterflies. Its a great feeling though. When i have a bad day, i think about him and everything just gets better. He doesn’t even have to do anything. i just want to let go of the fight and think about him. XP Somedays i get so bored and tired, but for some reason, i just wanna stay on the phone or keep texting?Weird much? I think so. Stalker Status clingy much?But why do people do all these korny things? He makes me so in love with him when he barely does anything to make me feel this way. we argue so much, fight a whole lot, but i love him so much. Hate how much i love you? Its a strange thing. At first i didn’t quite get it. its like huge fights then makeups. i hate it, but then i still love it?im so confusing.Maybe love isn’t just about xoxo and i love you’s. Maybe its just about having a good time with someone and sharing your life with that person. Share precious moments, tell secrets too, being happy, caring for that one person, trusting, wanting them for everything, for flaws or their goods. Someone who can help you, make you smile. Now that’s love. Even having love fights. May seem the worst, but no matter what, it has helped me know how much i love him.this must be the weirdest most craziest blog i have ever wrote about love, but i truly do love my boyfriend so much, even if he’s the meanie or i’m the meanie. if its my fault or his,we still <3 each other. =D its the little things you do together that make life worth living. Even if you don’t see them. Each moment will always be a great one. No matter what. You can be the most stubborn,most hardheaded person that your love one will get annoyed at and still, that person will love you.hun, i may not be perfect and i may be the most stubborn, hardheaded, weirdest girlfriend you’ll ever have, but either way, i still love you. this has gotta be the funniest,craziest, frusturating weird love story you would ever hear. i don’t even know how ya’ll gonna respond.haha.i think i should write a book.hahaI love you hun. Happy 33 months. =D Note to self: “sometimes, love doesn’t need to come with the i love you’s.”

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Cleaning up my room, i still see some of my high school work, and a lot of my bad memories. It was finally time to throw it all out. All the drama and all the problems, finally all gone. At first I thought it was hella corny and stupid, but noticed that as soon as i threw it all away, i felt like a new person. weird right? Well it worked for me. Now that college is coming, gotta let go of the past and make a new beginning for myself and everyone else around me. maybe change is good. It’s weird how everything you throw away make a difference. For example its Like throwing away your stuffed animal when you were young. It’s a huge part of you and all of a sudden its gone and you grow to get a new one or to live without it.Now I know why my nanay always told me to throw away things I never needed…Note to Self:Clean up and throw away the things you DON’T need in life”

Dedicated to Felicidad Jose (Nanay)..

Starting off summer wasn’t really how i expected. It’s only the first week, and hiding trying to be happy isn’t as easy as it seems. Today was just a total breakdown. Now that a new beginning just started, its hard to transition on how I want it to be. I met the most wonderful person. Phuong H. Tran. Almost Thirtythree months now, and I am thankful to have him. The road has had a lot of bumps and curves, but we still go through it. As much as we keep fighting, we are still here for each other. He makes me happy and always makes me smile. He may push me to try having my life goals setand may tell me my flaws even though it hurts, but i know it’s just because he cares and wants me to wake up and see how life is. He has became such a great friend and a partner in my life. We have had a lot of drama and that was on my part, but came to find we’ve gotten stronger. Even with the times right now, I know he will still be here. As many chances we’ve both got, and mistakes, I am glad I have found someone who is still making this work for the both of us. No matter the stupid fights or even the risk of losing friends. I love you.To Phuong Tran:Thanks for being the person I have always wanted. We may still be young and who knows what will happen in the future but you will always have a spot in my heart. without you, my heart is just incomplete. Note to self: “You may fall into a hole, but someone will always get you out no matter how deep”

I guess at times, i dont know what to do. I feel there are some things that need to change and some things that needs improvement…I check out an overview of my life and see that there are good things that do come in the future… Sometimes we all change for a reason. That things happen for a reason. Just not because we want change, but for us to grow. We all need space, and we all need time to think about what we need in life. Because there are some things you dont notice until it’s too late to change it or make it better.Don’t try to go easy on life and just choose. Got to choose wisely in our choices because if we ever make the wrong choice, who knows where we will be today. Note to self: “Never let great things pass you by, because you may regret it.”